Do you have a 'frenemy'?

I thought this was an interesting story. You can see the full version here:

http://www.cnn.com/2007/LIVING/personal/08/24/frenemies/index.html


"Frenemy"..."The term has most often been used to describe females who tangle with their female friends."

Every friendship -- no matter how solid or tentative -- has mixed feelings of support and antagonism. Apter says that "among female friends there is also something else: a wish to offer support and see a friend thrive, on the one hand, and a fear of being left behind or out-shone, on the other." In essence, the "hate" part of a love-hate relationship isn't really hate -- it's envy or insecurity.

How to salvage a love-hate relationship:

1. Don't make things worse. If your friend's nastiness only surfaces at certain times (for example, when she is stressed), try to avoid her at those times; you don't always have to make yourself available. When she antagonizes you, consider defending yourself, but tactfully so as to avoid adding fuel to the fire.

2. Keep a support system. "Make sure you have, or that you cultivate, other friends who are consistently positive and loving so you can remind yourself that a friendship doesn't have to be a love-hate relationship," advises Yager.

3. Focus on the good. "If you really want to keep the love-hate friendship going, make sure you remind yourself of the traits about your friend that are loving and why you want to keep the friendship going, dwelling on the positive rather than the negative," says Yager.

4. It's your friend's problem. Even when confronting your friend, don't follow in her negative footsteps. Don't consider this situation to be your fault or let it lower your self esteem.

5. Don't let her get to you. Above all, don't let your friend drag you down. Instead, "maintain the positive, loving personality that you have despite her temporary or longstanding love-hate behavior," says Yager.